Well, friends, the time has finally come. I’ve thought about it many times, and mentioned it many times, but I’ve now decided to do it. I’m taking an indefinite break from blogging. In my almost 3 years of blogging , there has been catharsis, hilarity, and genuine connection. There has also been some controversy and some strange visits and some unfortunate encounters. I’ve learned a lot through all of it — I’ve learned about myself and others, and a lot about the truly bizarre nature of the internet. Overall I have really enjoyed it.

But really, I just don’t have it in me anymore — for several reasons.

One main reason is that I’m just tired. I’m tired of being misunderstood, (In fact, I sometimes feel this misunderstanding fatigue simply as a result of commenting on other people’s blogs, so I’m considering not doing that anymore either — truly, the web is a limited medium for human communication.) I’m tired of spending my time and energy blogging when I have lots of other things to do, and blogging isn’t as rewarding as I would like it to be. I’m tired of feeling bad because I think I’ve offended people when I didn’t mean to, and often, when I don’t think there was any reason to be offended, regardless of my intention. I’m tired of feeling like I can’t write about anything I’m passionate about or anything that’s important to me, lest it be misinterpreted and attacked. I’m tired of feeling like I have to sell out and only write about superficial things to save myself the energy of responding to the attack of others, some of whom apparently think my personal blog is actually a public forum for (sometimes uncivil) debate – because, truly, I don’t see the point in having a personal blog if I don’t feel that I can authentically express myself.

I really feel like I’m not being true to myself when I forego saying something I want to say because I don’t want to deal with the fallout. Perhaps I’m not as naturally agreeable a person as some people are, and so the things I say on my blog — which often reflect my disappointment or indignation at the injustices in the world or the failings of myself and others — are not as well-received as the happy, fun stuff that other people blog about. Perhaps that didn’t used to bother me. But, having grown as tired as I have at this point, I find that I often just save myself the trouble of dealing with negative reactions by not talking about such things at all… and that just makes me feel disingenuous and I don’t like it.

I think that, at this point, I just don’t have the detachment, the patience, or the ability to compartmentalize my feelings that it takes to be a happy member of the blogosphere. Yes, I’ve grown from dealing with certain things that happen on the blog, and I’m sure I’d continue to grow if I continued to deal with these things. But I’m also sure I can grow in other ways through other channels, perhaps without needlessly putting myself out there and being forced to explain or defend myself — on what is supposedly my own personal space to which other people come as guests. Because, really, I’ve had enough of that.

Another reason is that I just don’t feel the passion or excitement about blogging that I used to. I used to really love doing it and I used to have a lot of fun with it — I would often think of something to blog about and feel inspired just by beginning to compose the post in my head. I don’t have that anymore. Part of probably relates to what I just mentioned about feeling like I have to censor myself in order to avoid irritating encounters with visitors. Part of it is that I just don’t feel as creatively inspired, for whatever reason. I often feel like I’m just putting up posts as needed, so that my page isn’t blank — I’m not really motivated or gratified by it. It’s been a long time since my blogging was consistent, frequent, energetic, and focused. These days, it just feels like a chore to sit down and say what's on my mind..

Part of it may also be that I’ve moved into a different phase in life since I started blogging, and things are different now — I’m getting older and busier ( I have fulfilled a long dream of attending Law School) and that has pretty much been occupying much of my time, and perhaps my temperament towards such things as blogging is changing. I find myself wondering why I started blogging in the first place… I feel like I thought it was a good way to keep up with people I love and let them know what’s going on with me. But now, I just feel like doing that comes at a cost that is perhaps not worth the benefit (on several levels), and I could maintain those connections just as well — perhaps in an even more intimate, purposeful, and relevant way — by e-mailing, calling, and visiting my friends. (But not by Facebooking them – I still haven’t caved in to Facebook and I never will, for various reasons, one of which is how impersonal and useless I find it when it comes to truly maintaining real friendships. And, incidentally, I also think it’s a huge waste of time).

I feel like I also thought blogging was a good way to express myself. But now, I once again feel like doing that — in public — comes at a cost that is perhaps not worth the benefit (on several levels), and I could express my feelings and my struggles and my growth by writing in my journal, a practice which has unfortunately deteriorated since I started blogging over 4 years ago.. This is especially true since journaling is private, and thus gives me the ability to reflect meaningfully on things in my life and in the lives of my family and friends that are not fit for public consumption via the blogosphere.

I think, on the whole, I may have just reevaluated what blogging means to me. I realize that when I check my blog and see how few comments there are on some posts, which, incidentally, may be a product of the fact that I don’t have as much creative energy going into my posts as I used to . But seeing that there are not many comments (which, I suppose, is better than having many judgmental or accusatory comments) makes me realize that I do blog for other people to read — if it was only for myself, then I wouldn’t do it on the internet. A lot of people say they only blog for themselves, and maybe that makes sense to them, but it just doesn’t make much sense to me — it’s like girls saying that they dress up or wear make-up for themselves. Why would I dress up if I was home alone and wasn’t going to leave the house? It’s clearly something I do with other people in mind. Similarly, blogging is something I do with other people in mind — particularly since it is fundamentally communicative in nature — and if other people aren’t reading my blog (which they don’t seem to be doing very much these days), then there’s not much point in blogging. The lack of readership, combined with my own lack of inspiration, suggests that I’ve lost my steam for blogging. I think my heart’s just not in it anymore, and evidently, other people’s hearts aren’t either. So maybe it’s time to give it a rest.

Most of all I'm sick and tired of this current Marxist administration, I'm sick of my fellow Americans acting like a bunch of brainwashed idiots themselves. There are lots of things going on in this country that makes me sick. I'm sick of being called a racist for not agreeing with Obama's policies, not the color of his skin. I'm sick of having crap shoved down my throat everyday. I'm sick of Obama bowing to every leader in the world, and looking like a pussy. I'm sick of people who don't have a clue telling me I'm wrong. I'm sick of the media not covering the truth. I'm sick of the way that our brave troops are pissed on day after day.

This latest ordeal of the Navy Seals was the insanity that broke the camels back. And treating them like Girl Scouts instead them like the Heroes that they are. I'm sick of the politicians in Washington not listening. I'm sick of Harry Reid, and Nancy, and Eric Holder and Jimmy Carter and yes of Michelle Obama as well. . I'm sick of the hypocrisy that is going on through out this country. I'm sick of having to defend my rights everyday.I'm sick of ACORN. I'm sick of our leaders acting like thugs. I'm sick of kids just out of diapers who haven't lived long enough to have a clue they know better. I'm sick of my fellow Americans acting like a bunch of thugs themselves. Finally I'm just sick and tired of the BS coming out of Washington, and the White House and having our hands tired so that we just have to sit back and deal with it.

I’ve been highly critical of Brack Obama and his Attorney General Eric Holder for their imbecilic idea of trying Khalid Sheikh Mohammed and his cohorts in civilian courts, thereby offering them the full range of rights and privileges that should be only extended to American citizens by the Constitution and the Bill of Rights— therefore making a mockery of our whole US justice system. Three thousand of our innocent citizens died because of this lowlife bastard Khalid Sheikh Mohammed and we are bending over backwards to give this piece of shit “RIGHTS”
Just when I thought I’ve seen it all, something like this and the travesty of the Navy Seals come up to bite us in the ass. When will enough be enough?

And I find that no matter what, I just can't deal worth it any more.

Finally, there’s one really practical reason on my mind. I’m nearing the end of law school and I’m going to enter a new professional world, a world in which I’m not sure I want my personal life to be web searchable, and a world in which I’ll spend the majority of my waking life at a job that I probably shouldn’t discuss on the internet — which would make it hard to find things to blog about, much less to blog in an authentic an expressive way, no?

Anyway, all that to say that I just think it’s time to say goodbye.

So, I thank you all for the time you’ve spent coming by here and hanging out with me, and I’ll remember the good times fondly. But at this point, I’m making a choice to improve my overall quality of life by taking a break… who knows for how long — maybe forever. At any rate, this is goodbye for now.

I hope you all are enjoying your winter, and your Holidays, and I wish you all a Happy, and Healthy New Year .

I have been receiving many e-mails asking me to reconsider my decision, but my mind is made up, so for those of you who have my e-mail address, please don't do that.

I want to thank all my loyal readers from the bottom of my heart. You have been great, each and every one of you. I feel I'm leaving some very dear friends, but sometimes one has to do what one has to do. Please take good care of yourselves. You're all special people and deserve nothing but the best.

God bless you all!